How do you raise children who will blossom into confident, joyful adults? According to famed trial lawyer Gerry Spence, it comes down to the arguments you make throughout their upbringing.
In his bestselling book, “How to Argue and Win Every Time,” Spence equates parenting to presenting a case - with some approaches being "winning arguments" and others ultimately leading to defeat when kids reach adolescence.
With your children, he says, winning arguments are rooted in love over harsh discipline. In respecting your child's independence rather than manipulation or control. In modeling honesty instead of hypocrisy.
As Spence puts it: "If the child has been afforded winning arguments during the child's lifetime, there is little against which the adolescent can revolt."
When young adults feel they were raised with respect, trust, and freedom - their natural desire to individuate isn't portrayed as an uphill battle against oppressive parents.
He describes an empowering image of children joyously "springing forth into the world" if their core needs were nurtured over many years. No fury, violence, or lashing out - just the ability to bloom confidently as their authentic selves.
It's a powerful metaphor contrasting two paths. One of strict discipline and control that breeds resentment and rebellion. The other of love and respect that allows kids to emerge from their metaphorical cocoons unscathed.
For any parent, the goal should be giving your children their best chance at metamorphosing into the people they were meant to become.
What do you think? Parents I want to hear from you! Let me know in the comments and support my work at jamesbrowntv.substack.com
On that note, I'm James Brown, and as always, be well.
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